July 1st, Satan's Daycare

So imagine this! I'm sitting here, ear buds in minding my own damn business trying to drown out the sounds of the fucking daycare that has taken up residence in coach when some lady plops her chubby kid in my lap.

What.The.Fuck.

When did I say 'oh yes strange lady with the fat baby, I'd love to watch your screaming kid while you use the fucking bathroom'? First of all I had my music up so loud I was surprised my ears weren't bleeding, and second of all I'd never willingly hold a baby I knew let alone one that's been screaming for the past two hours. I could only hope that they were getting off at, and staying off at JFK. If I had to get back on a plane with them for the rest of my flight I was positive there would be officials waiting to take me to jail for child abuse.

Why do people go places with kids they can't control? I don't get it. And than walk around a store with your kid screaming and just ignore it? Well news flash you idiot we can all hear it. Just because you choose not to acknowledge the existence of YOUR screaming child doesn't mean the rest of us can, unfortunately. At least my mom had the decency to leave the eff'n store if I acted up. She didn't stand for that shit. And let me tell you, if and that's a big mother fucking IF, I ever want kids I'll become a recluse if it means I won't be embarrassing myself by ignoring my screaming child as we walk through the mall.

For a half a second the fat kid stopped screaming, concerned I looked down to make sure it was still alive. That was my first mistake. That kid had like ninja puppy dog eyes. They fucking snuck up on you. I almost aww'ed. I know I'm shocked too! Second mistake was actually lifting it up. I was stuck in it's ninja puppy dog  eye tractor beam and was all set to nuzzle it when it fucking spit up on me. Spell broke and mental note to have ovaries removed made. Fucking kids. Please let NYC be their last stop.

Bella,
boarding flight from JFK to Heathrow with trepidation.